Friday, August 3, 2012

It's All About Sex

I will not be kissing my wife in front of a Chik-fil-A tonight nor anytime soon.  Although I may kiss her at Eat n Park or Emiliano's or one of the other restaurants we frequent.  I don't know.  It all depends on how I feel.  I can tell you this, we won't make out.  I hate it when you're out somewhere, and that sweet couple who just a moment ago was holding hands suddenly is all tongue and spit til you're finally like "holy crap, get a room!"   I hate that.

I guess I'm just old fashioned.  Nowadays it's all boycotts and Huckabee appreciation events,  kiss-ins and chicken sandwiches.  <Sigh>

I really am old fashioned.  I was raised Catholic, went to Catholic school and attended church every Sunday.  My sibs and I were taught the importance of family and country.  My sister's a nurse in the Air Force.  One brother's a cop, the other's a plumber.  I've worked my whole life, taught school, worked with seniors, helped community groups, voted in every election.  I own a house and love my neighbors.  I'd like to shoot a gun someday.  And I'm married, but only in Canada.

Sunshine and Happiness and I can't get married here  because we both have who-ha's which makes some folks think we're perverts or  pedophiles.  Or that we have a gay agenda to indoctrinate the youth of today which in turn will bring the wrath of God down upon us all.  Some also believe because I'm a lesbian, I have no style, a bad haircut and wear sensible shoes.

I'll cop to that last one.

So old fashioned, God fearing, traditional marriage proponents want to protect themselves and their children from me and Sunshine and Happiness because if  we (and our who-ha's) can get married what's next?  Meanwhile married folks are participating in:

intercourse in the missionary and 63 other positions
 (or so says the Kama Sutra)
anal sex
oral sex
role play
S&M (Have you READ 50 Shades of Grey?)
premarital sex
monogamous sex
sex with multiple partners (divorce and remarriage)
sex with multiple partners (adultery)
sex with multiple partners (swingers clubs)
sex for pleasure
sex for intimacy
sex for fun
sex out of a sense of obligation

Unmarried folk and gay folk participate in these things too but straight folks also sometimes have sex, 14 kids and a reality TV show which I and other gay folks cannot do without third party involvement.

And THAT (to me) is what's really at the crux of this whole "traditional" marriage thing. When  straight couples stick thing A into slot B they can biologically reproduce (sans medical/age issues) without outside help.  Sunshine and Happiness and I not so much.  My friends Rich and Joe when they put thing A into slot C, not so much.  Which makes a sizable portion of this country believe us to be unnatural and an abomination. 

As for straight folks - some women are infertile, some men are sterile and what may I ask happens after menopause?  These folks can put thing A into slot B, not procreate and they can still marry.  And men and women who don't intend to ever have children get married all the time.  As for gays, we can choose artificial insemination or a surrogate mother.  We can adopt and foster children where it's legal.  Or we too can choose not to have children at all. 

Which leads me to conclude this argument about traditional marriage vs gay marriage is really only about  who-ha's and ding-dongs.  Who has 'em and who doesn't, where they stick em and what happens when there's not a thing A to put in slot B.  It makes traditional marriage proponents squeamish.  And because it makes them squeamish  they go all fire and brimstone on our asses.  The only way my marriage would be OK with traditional marriage proponents and I could have sex with their seal of approval is if my who-ha was a ding dong. 

And all the kisses in the world ain't gonna be able to change that.