Saturday, October 8, 2011

Why Put Off for Tomorrow...

Maddy Grace:  Throw my ball NOW mama!
I know, I know.  I haven't posted in a month of Sundays.  Every day I think about it but have not.  Life's just been getting in the way I suppose.

My last post talked of an impending trip with Sunshine and Happiness to Canada for our first year wedding anniversary.    Hmmm... seems I put off for tomorrow what I should have done, umm, sooner.  To make a long story short  we did not get to Canada because I waited until the Friday prior to our trip to pull out the passport cards and it seems I had,  well......THROWN THEM OUT.


It was all good though because we celebrated in Seabrook, South Carolina.    I'll take eighty five and sunny over fifty degrees and rainy any day so it ended up being a happy accident.



That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

As I sit here typing it is eighty degrees outside with no chance of rain. 
In October.  In Pittsburgh.   I should be mowing and weed whacking our lawn. 

Also, I finished reading A Prayer for Owen Meany while in Seabrook and have wanted to write about my very different reaction to it this time. 

Additionally I have been invited to participate in NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) in November, an annual event wherein participants write approximately 50,000 words/179 pages (about the size of Catcher in the Rye) in 1 MONTH.  Sounds torturous to me but I'm still mulling it over wondering if I could be disciplined enough to complete it.  As if.  I need to register though if I'm going to try and delude myself that I might be able to finish.   

Finally, all morning I've been going back and forth about re-joining Facebook.  I have opened then closed an account three times over the past 2 years.  The first time I lasted several months, the second days and the third it was only a  matter of hours.  I do lurk on Sunshine and Happiness' page but have some kind of weird aversion to having my own.  S&H is tired though of me commenting on other folks' wall posts and them thinking it is her.  Go figure.

But none of this is what's really going on with me.  My moniker may be DARK and TWISTY but it could just as well be QUEEN OF AVOIDANCE.   Right now my paternal grandfather is in the hospital for the third time this year with pneumonia and things are not looking good.   He's 96.  On the maternal side, my Gram who is 88 is on Oxycontin and in constant pain.   My parents are aging.(broken leg, hip surgery, prostate cancer)   

On Wednesday, I visited the community center I used to work at because I miss the seniors.  About half  of my favorite folks are gone or in nursing homes and I wasn't there.   I miss Mrs. K.from next door more than I could have imagined.  And some friends of ours are facing enormous sadness and grief and I am powerless to fix/change a situation that I totally would if I could.  I don't do  powerlessness well and I struggle with being present to those experiencing the process of illness and death.

So I sit here and type.  And I play with the idea of NaNoWriMo. And  I get lost on the computer and analyze the themes of God, predestination, fate, death and resurrection in Owen Meany.    I pick a fight with my wife so that I can get angry at her, blow up and cry when my tears have absolutely nothing to do with what we are arguing about.  Finally,  finally,  I  notice the ball at my feet and Maddy Grace's whining up at me.  I throw the ball and like a shot she's off.  I smile.  I laugh.  And  I get up to go mow the grass.