North Beach

Sunrise at North Beach, Seabrook Island

I woke up cranky this morning and didn't know why.  We drove from Pittsburgh Saturday and won't return home until late Monday night and I thought I was out of sorts because I was ready to go home.  Seabrook is the longest vacation I have ever taken and every other time I've been away I've been ready to leave at about day 4.  I start missing the familiar. My bed, the cats, our neighborhood, the gray Pittsburgh weather, my depression.  So I just assumed that this was what was wrong with me.  I even told Mrs. Sunshine and Happiness I was ready to go home as we sat and drank our breakfast coffee.  She gave me the hairy eyeball and told me to suit myself.  And then we went to North Beach.

It was 85 and partly cloudy today with a chance of thunderstorms.  Partly cloudy here looks completely like the best day we have ever had in Pittsburgh.  My love and I brought beach chairs, towels, packed ourselves a cooler.  Mrs. S&H would have brought the boogie board but I talked her out of it by reminding her of the cannonball jellyfish.  In my mind all I could see was my love as a tiny dot on the horizon being swept out to sea as I yelled, "that's far enough"  from the shore.  I packed my books, Three Cups of Tea and The Artists Way (which sucks).  As soon as we got to the beach I walked to the water and took a dip to cool off.  Actually I was standing in knee deep water jumping waves and the tide knocked me over but whatever.  I went back to my chair, slathered myself with 50 sunscreen (Casper the Friendly Ghost, the friendliest ghost you know) and settled in to read my books.  It was at this moment that I realized why I had been so bitchy.  I looked at my baby and said "I don't want to leave"  and she said, "well we don't have to go" meaning we have 3 more days before we pack.  I responded "I mean, ever."  This time I got no hairy eyeball just a smile.   I realized I'd been trying to preempt the sadness I am going to feel on Sunday when we have to leave for home by trying to convince myself today that I can't wait to get there.  Only in my world does this make perfect sense.  Me and my attachment issues!

But today I decided to do something different.  I decided to be present and enjoy the day instead of  trying to prepare myself, in my own strange way, to make leaving less painful. (thereby missing the beauty right in front of me).  So I breathed in and out slowly.  I meditated.  I listened to the sound of the ocean waves, felt the sun on my face and settled in to read once again.  And just then...... it began to rain.