Born Loser

Anyone who knows me can attest to how clumsy I am.  (I have had my nose broken 3x attempting to participate in sports) Additionally, Sunshine and Happiness can tell you that when it comes to me and just about anything, Murphy's Law applies. If something can go wrong (and I am involved) it absolutely  will.   You scoff?  Nay, I shall prove it.  Here are just some quick tidbits.

EXHIBIT ONE
 I attempted to plan our last vacation.  Mind you, the criteria I was given was this:

• It must be warm (high 70's, low 80's is acceptable)
• There must be an ocean
• It has to be dog friendly and
• We had to be able to visit with S&H's family in NC on the way 
• Oh, and it had to be the week of April 16 -April 24 because she needed a week off RIGHT NOW. 

That gave me exactly one week to plan, find, book, budget, and prepare to leave for fill in the blank.  S&H......, she's nothing if not clear about what she wants.   Sooooo I spent days, DAYS, (did I mention it was days?) researching locations, calling folks, emailing, and checking the weather to make sure it met to my love's liking.  I finally found some houses with various and sundry combinations of the above requirements.  S&H intensely reviewed my labor and then  flat out said to me "I'm not going there.  It's not warm enough and I just have a bad feeling about it."  Hmmmmmm. Interesting.  I wasn't pissed or anything.  And then in approximately 30 minutes, 30 freakin MINUTES, she had our Seabrook vacation lined up and booked.  If you have read my previous posts you know how glorious our trip was.  Now, if we had gone with my plan we would have ended up, oh, right in the middle of the storm system and twisters that hit the outer banks and caused NC to be declared, mmmm, a DISASTER AREA. 

EXHIBIT TWO
Also, anyone who knows me will be able to tell you how I ABHOR exercise.  One, because I am out of shape and I fatigue easily and two, HELLO because it hurts!  However, in recent days I have become more amenable (my pants won't button) to giving some kind of physical exertion a whirl.   S&H suggested we go to a local high school track and walk.  I grudgingly said OK.  We headed out.  Both of us brought ipods to listen to because we knew that once we started I would be left in the dust.  We arrived, plugged in and started off.  Soon after, S&H drew up beside me and started to talk. Now I can't hear without ear buds and am always frustratingly having to yell loudly (because I can't hear myself or modulate my voice) I CAN"T HEAR YOU, so when she started to talk to me I was a bit annoyed.  I whipped out one of my ear buds and turned to her but as she spoke to me, her voice was still really muffled.  I thought to myself, am I really this deaf?  And just then I noticed that the inside of my ear felt funny.  Really funny.  Turns out when I whipped the ear bud out of my ear, the little skootchy thing that covers the end of the ear bud for smooth comfort had not come out of my ear with the rest of the contraption.  And man, it was lodged in there.  And I had only done like 2 circles around the track.  (which was really alright by me) I was though PA-AN-ICKED.  (ask me about the time a bee crawled in my ear while I was sleeping and lodged in there, buzzing around the inside of my head while I held my breath and waited to see if it would sting me while my sister tried to drown it by using a dropper to dump water inside my ear canal) Anyhoo, S&H spent the next 15 minutes using her long, manicured fingernail to pull it out. It did eventually dislodge although it was a bit skeevy.  I was just grateful it was out.  Thank God S&H is a lipstick lesbian.

Tomorrow - EXHIBIT THREE