Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Exhibit 3, 4, 5, 6.....

My Loserdom is legendary.  As a result, I have always told anyone unlucky enough to be within earshot about how "it's hard to be me."  No one has ever paid  me any mind. Boo hoo.  However after the earbud thingy Sunshine and Happiness looked at me with wonder and exclaimed, "It really IS hard to be you."  See, I told you so.  Validation.  Affirmation.  Finally.  I've only  lived with her for 12 years. She's quick like that. 

I must admit I have asked myself more than once why I make so many stupid mistakes.  So I decided to dig deep within myself and go where I knew there would be an answer.  I googled it.  I typed in "why do I make so many stupid mistakes?"  and sites popped up.  I kid you not.  Other folks had asked themselves this question.  On google.
And wait...... what the effie? There's an actual name for this?
 Dyspraxia - an impairment in the development of movement,  language perception and thought problems beginning in childhood and continuing into adolescence and adulthood. . The condition results in gross and fine motor difficulties caused by perceptual problems, especially visual motor and kinesthetic.  Dyspraxia can be associated with behavioral, physiological and emotional problems.  Those with dyspraxia may have difficulties with handwriting, learning to drive a car and self care tasks.  Other symptoms include difficulty forming relationships with others, low self esteem, avoidance of sports and physical activities and social awkwardness..  Dyspraxia is a learning disorder often categorized with dyslexia, ADHD, and the autism spectrum. 
Hmmmm.  Let's see
  • I never learned to skip or jump rope much to the chagrin of my kindergarten teacher
  • I still cannot tie my shoes, much to the chagrin of my mother
  • I cannot tell my left from my right (I have a freckle on my left hand which is how I get around it)
  • I did not learn to drive until I was 30 and needed the help of 2 driving schools, a support group AND a therapist.  My first driving instructor had a heart attack which I credit myself for, after my first lesson thank you very much.  Part of the problem is that when given directions and a right turn or a left turn is indicated I get really confused.  My therapist (God bless her) had me use a paper plate as a mock steering wheel and would yell out, left, right, right, left,  and I would have to turn the paper plate in the correct direction.  I also cannot understand traffic signs that indicate direction.  Yes, I am that person.  The one you all are always flipping off.
  • I can NOT walk in a straight line.  I was at a funeral the other day and helped a crotchety old woman (shout out to Sue Raymond) to the church entrance.  As we walked I was unaware that I was pushing her off the sidewalk and into the grass.  All of a sudden she boomed "for Godsakes can ya give me a little bit of sidewalk?"  (Love ya Sue)
  • I am extremely shy and self conscious, introverted and socially awkward.  Not even alcohol can lubricate me enough to be at ease in social groups.  And I imbibed enough of it to know.
  • I struggle with depression/anxiety/OCD behaviors. Seriously I get songs stuck in my head and they will play in the background of my mind, over and over for days.  Even in my sleep.  Fuck you Taylor Swift and your goddamned catchy hooks.  Also, for awhile I thought I might be bipolar because my mood swings happened so frequently and intensely. S&H never knew what she was gonna get.
  • I break everything I touch.  Actually if I just breathe in the direction of any type of machine it dies.  Not exaggerating.
  • I hurt myself constantly by bumping, tripping, falling.  My mother nicknamed me Grace.  Compassionate woman, she.
  • My biggest fear is that I will someday electrocute, maim, drown or blow myself up and in those few seconds right before I die think to myself, "oops."   
  • I cannot dance and cannot follow any exercise routine that requires me to execute a series of movements.  When I try it is just painful for everyone involved.
  • Additionally, I can be neatly dressed, pressed and ready to go and inevitably by the time I leave I will be rumpled, wrinkled, look like I have slept in my outfit and have a stain right smack in the middle of my shirt.  Never fails.
Now, let's look at the symptoms of dyspraxia:  difficulty telling left from right, sloppy & poor at dressing, messy eating and drinking, tendency to fall alot, bump, trip, hurt self,  prone to emotional unpredictability, anxiety and depression, fluctating often between good and bad days, obsessive behavior, phobias, clumsiness, memory problems, poor spacial awareness, isolation from peer groups, poor sense of direction, trouble with grip holds things tightly causing hands to ache, poor handwriting, poor posture, poor balance, poor muscle tone, fatigue, overly sensitive to sound, may dislike being touched, problems with pain, smell, heat and taste,  light sensitivity, difficulty using equipment and tools that require fine motor or manipulative skills, organizational difficulties, difficulty styling hair, shaving, putting on makeup, tying shoelaces, difficulty with pitch and volume of voice, slow to adapt to new situations, impulsive, stressed, easily frustrated wanting immediate gratification leading to addictive behaviors, insomnia, As a result of dyspraxia, individuals may avoid physical activity and social involvement.  Treatment for dyspraxia includes occupational therapy and counseling for emotional/behavioral issues.  There is no cure.  Most dyspraxic individuals make adaptations in order to function.

See. It's a brain problem people.  It's not my fault.
The New Poster Child for Dyspraxia